Confession

I recall the first time I saw you

It was in the library when you talk with my friend

Back then we didn't talk at all

After 3 years then I finally able to talk to you

Our first interaction was a place I never thought of

Man, you were so tall and I remember

How much we laugh together

Despite it was our first met

You were so funny

And we became friends since then

After I moved away

My first two weeks to a month was hard

I was adapting to work while finishing other priority

I manage to juggle, thanks to you

Little did I knew that your help during the hardest time of my new life was like a light

When you talk to me, you really listen

I found it strange actually, cause I never found a guy who would listen to my stories

And you shared yours without hesitant too

Those talks and help change my perception of you

From the admiration and thankful feeling as a friend

Turn into something more personal and delicate

I have been thinking about you for that past month

In a way that I was nervous, excited, kind of scared that you'd think I was weird

Yes, those mix feelings were the result because I liked you

This is my first time confessing to someone I have crush on

I like you 

But, I don't want to burden you with this feeling

As a 'Feeling' person, I don't like filling up my feelings and keep it to myself

I'm sorry if this bothers you

From now on, I just want to say thank you for your presence back then 

I know it's too bothersome to say these things 

But I don't want to make it uneasy for me anymore

With this information

My biggest hope is not to feel awkward if we encounter next time

For some it'll be hard for them not to

So with all of this confession

I'm letting you go 

Thanks for everything

I lose a friend

 I feel sad and lonely because I regret being harsh with my friend

That person was a definition of a true friend

We spent a lot of time together

Call without limits

Gossiping, studying, hanging out, working, and many other things

As I get older, I thought I wouldn’t care what others said

But there were too many misconceptions that led me to create miscommunication with my friend

I avoid and thought of only bad things occur if I were still close

I regret it

I broke the friendship that I’ve made

The investment of time and energy spent

Everything was going to be alright, but no

Now it’s awkward

I don’t know how to reconcile

The friend might not think the same

Maybe I’m just overthinking

But I can see how very different life is now

Always thought that growing up made me lose a friend

Instead, it was me who’s stupid enough

And let my ego won

Things can’t be the same anymore

XLFL WORKSHOP EXPERIENCE (PECHA KUCHA, LEADERSHIP STYLES)

Welcome to my blog post! It has been a while. 

In this post, I'd like to share my special experience on my 4th Workshop of XL Future Leaders.

On August 8th and 9th, 2020, was the time I met my classmates Makassar Batch 8, with 6 special guests who are 3 Yogyakarta Batch 7 XLFL students, and 3 National Hero Challenge winners. 

On the first day, we are greeted with our mentor Rizki "Semangat Pagi!" And as always our answer no matter what time it is "Selalu semangat pagi!". We had a discussion on Storytelling and Giving Feedbacks. The first discussion is about Evaluation. My group discuss the importance of evaluation is to assess disparity from the current condition for a better one ahead. Besides that, a good evaluation consists of constructive criticism. Then, in the next group, my friends and I build an evaluation format for our Pecha Kucha presentation. It consists of Criteria, Sub Criteria, Metrics (Qualitative and Quantitative). Even though my group's Evaluation Format was not chosen, but I learned a lot from other groups on how to build a better and concise evaluation format. After that, we had the Pecha Kucha presentation which we have prepared for more than a month. Pecha Kucha is a presentation with a 20x20 format. Which means there are 20 slides and every slide has 20 seconds time to present. I did a presentation with Rindy and we told the story of one of Indonesian Revolutionary Heroes, R. Suprapto. We presented his story of life, how much he valued nationalism, and keep our Ideology, Pancasila although it took his life away. We have to respect and always remember his service. We got to see all presentations from my classmates and listen to great feedbacks Rara. At the end of the day, we give feedbacks based on the Evaluation Format from the winning group. As usual, there is always picture time and sharing session around 20 minutes with our mentor Rizki and Classmates who basically didn't want the Workshop over.

On the second day, we learned about leadership types. We also get to dress up with the theme of Indonesia Independence Day. I wore a red hijab and white uniform to resemble Indonesia's flag. But before proceed to that, there was an announcement from Rizki for the Nominees of The Best Pecha Kucha Presentation in Makassar Class. I am so glad Rindy and I made it to the top 5. Congratulations to Appi and Wisnu who won the best presentation and actually they are the first presenters hence they have set the bar high and did amazing! What I learned from them is to be prepared-well and did mentoring because feedbacks made us do better that we got to know our blind-spot. Continue on Leadership Styles, my group and I had a discussion on why we have leadership styles is because different situations need different approaches. That being said, if the leader who leads the team did not match with their people then the leader can switch styles. Also discussion we the whole classmates we can conclude that both personality and environment play factors in shaping the leader's leadership style. The personality includes the value, cultural, belief system from the leader itself then the environment is from the people, demands, and the organization's goals. Then we assigned into a group based on respective leadership styles we have to cover. 

My group and I had to cover the Transformational leadership style. We took examples from two leaders in the past which is Martin Luther King Jr. and in the present is Angela Merkel. They both make huge transformational changes during their leadership. For Martin Luther King Jr., we are very familiar with his "I Have A Dream" speech in Washington DC to more than 200 thousand people in 1963 to called out the US Government to end racism toward African-Americans. Then for Angela Merkel, because of her background which is Science, she managed to contain Covid-19 widespread in Germany. Both of them able to make changes on the situation they faced. Their differences are that Merkel is a risk-averse person since she is data-driven and MLK Jr. is a risk-tolerant since he needed to persuade people to join his movement. Despite the differences, their traits are actually needed based on each of the conditions of their time. Next, we learned about Autocratic Leadership who leads with force and the leader decides and gets the work done quickly. It is matched with the military environment. I was surprised that actually, Steve Jobs is a leader with this type of leadership because of his firmness on the product that he wanted to launch. But the pitfall of this type leads to high staff turnover. Next, Paternalistic Leadership, came from the word 'Papa', so the leader acts as a father figure and treated his people as if they are his family. This type of leadership, listen and give feedback to his people. Then, Servant Leadership is a leader who leads by example and lifts up their people motivates them from behind. Last but not least is Charismatic leadership, which leads with energy and the leader's charisma. It relies on the persuasiveness of the leader that made the downside of this type that they can believe in themselves more than the team. This can lead to a collapse of the team if the leader leaves and that is why this type needs a leader with long-term commitment. Before we end our productive and fun weekend, we had the Hiraku session. Where we opened up on our insecurities and give comforts to each other. It was a really nice time to end our hectic but exciting week. 

Overall, all workshops of XL Future Leaders always full of insight and like energy recharge. I'm so grateful to be XL Future Leaders awardee because I get to join all the beneficial workshops provide. My year 1 with XLFL will be finished soon, oh how time flies. I can't wait for the next Workshop and gain more knowledge. Here's to more productive weekends with amazing peeps!

Sorry

Hi, whoever reads this.

Whom I have hurt before

Never in my life, I did it intentionally

I never deep down from my heart wanted to treat you like that

So sorry that it was an accident

Not saying this because I am looking for reasons

But it just happened the way it was

I'm sorry that I've been ignorant

So sorry because I'm an over-thinking type of person

That it hurts me if I care too much

I decided to learn to let go somethings

To bury deep down my feelings

In order to be strong and look tough

So that I'm ready for any obstacle I'll face

My life isn't perfect

I am not as happy and having a smooth life as what you've seen

I'm just too good at hiding my problems, just like everybody else

People don't get it and just talk behind me or even call me out

But I stay silent, not because that's what I am 

And you've hurt indirectly

I want you to know

There are better people and things in life ahead for you

You just need to wait and look for them

But don't force yourself to choose me

Sorry, I think I don't deserve to be the one

Don't apologize to me

I am sorry